Pumpkins are Gross!

Fall is here, and Halloween is just a few days away.  One of the things that always comes to mind about this time of year, aside from the autumn colored M&Ms and candy corn, is pumpkins.  And not just those oddly shapen, roundish, orangish gourds...the ones with smiley faces or weird, spooky images carved into them.

Apparently, I have been deprived as a child, as I have never carved a pumpkin in all my life.  It might have to do more with the fact that my mom is a smart woman who knows it isn't a good idea to let me play with sharp objects, than an intentional withholding of a rite of passage.  We did get pumpkins, but we drew smiley faces on them with Sharpie markers instead of cutting into them.  A few years ago I bought an orange, crystal looking, plastic plug-in pumpkin at an after Halloween sale that has a multicolored light inside of it.  I used to plug it in and sit in near my window and watch as the color of the smiling face slowly faded from pink to blue to purple.  Around Thanksgiving I would box it up and pull out my Christmas decorations (I have a plug-in tree with sparkling white lights on it).  Lately though, seasonal decorating has not been big on my to-do list...please don't tell HGTV!

A few days ago, a pumpkin appeared on my front porch with the request that I carve it for a party my church was planning for Sunday.  Had anyone bothered to ask me, I would have kindly volunteered for another project.  I was behind in school, swamped with work (all three jobs!), and generally exhausted; and again, I had never carved a pumpkin before.  So there it sat, mocking my ignorance and inexperience until Friday afternoon.  I had come to the decision that, if little children can do this and produce cute little pumpkin faces, then it couldn't be that hard.  Boy, was I wrong.

I do have to brag by saying that I approached my task with the proper amount of planning.  I had mapped out my face (with a Sharpie), and had purchased what I considered to be the appropriate tools to do the job.  I was now ready to start cutting.  Lesson #1:  Pumpkins are hard!  It took quite a few minutes to get the knife through the top of the pumpkin.  I had not expected this kind of resistance, apparently no one had thought to inform the pumpkin that resistance was futile.  Once I got the knife all the way through, I had to wrestle with the blade to get it to go in a roundabout circle.  I had already worked up a sweat by the time I finally managed to pry the top off. Which is when I learned Lesson #2:  Pumpkins DO NOT smell like pumpkin bread or pumpkin pie or even spiced pumpkin frappuccinos.  Oh no, not in the least.  Pumpkins smell like vomit!  Now I was really not having any fun.  Once I got the top off, I proceeded to scoop out the insides.  Lesson #3:  pumpkin insides look and feel like vomit!  As I kept putting my hand through the top whole and scooping out seeds and various other vileness, I had to fight back the urge to add the the overall vomitty affect.  The insides of a pumpkin, aside from smelling and looking like vomit, are also very sticky and messy.  That was Lesson #4.  After just a few scoops, I had stringy, chunky pumpkin barf all over my jeans, running down my arm, and somehow, a little bit got in my hair.  Where was the fun part in all this again????

If it wasn't for the fact that others were depending on this pumpkin for their decorations, I would have called it right then and there.  Sweaty, nauseous, and looking like I had already been revisited by my lunch, I persevered.  Lesson # 5:  It takes a long, LONG time to completely (or close enough) scoop out the insides of a pumpkin.  Finally, when my arm could scoop no more, I got the last little bit out.  I do have to admit that carving out the eyes, nose, and mouth were much easier without all the vomit inside.

At last I stood up and wiped away as much of the puke that had attached itself to my jeans as I could, and gazed upon my creation.  Not so bad for a first timer, I will admit.  He looked like a happy little pumpkin, and that was my intention.  After almost 2 hours of fighting with both the pumpkin and my gag reflex, I had claimed victory.  I carefully loaded my prize creation into my car and hand-delivered it to the church's fellowship hall.

I still do not understand the allure of carving a pumpkin... I think I'll have to dig out my electric one next year.  Mainly because he doesn't smell like vomit.

Stress Relievers

I am on the verge of a meltdown.  I'm not talking about a little hissy fit, pitty party, or diva tantrum; a full-blown, nothing-is-working-at-all-and-i-might-need-medication meltdown complete with the mild to moderate panic attack.  Yep, this is how I spend my Saturday nights...
I guess I should tell you a little bit about how I got here.  I have found myself working three jobs, four if you count being a full-time college student.  Now all three of these jobs were supposed to be part-time.  Take a wild guess at the key word in that phrase.  My bank account doesn't mind that my boss loves me and has maxed-out my time at job #1.  I am so close to the required hours in my bookkeeping certification that I have started to shop for a frame to display my hard-won certificate, so I see it as a good thing that job #2 has been needing a lot of my time lately.  As I sit here typing this blog post, a large mixed breed hound is laying on my feet chewing a bone.  I am spending the weekend with her and her brother, which is a piece of job #3.  By themselves, these are little things; but put them together, along with a whole lot of homework and a Sunday School lesson to write up, and that is where the problem comes in.

I have decided, in this time of crisis, to seek solace in my old friends.  I am off for the night, the Sunday School lesson is done, and the homework can wait:  I am spending the evening enjoying Starbucks, Flaming Hot Cheetos, peanut butter M&Ms, and a Pepsi.

Tonight, both job #1 and  job #3 are practically across the street from a Starbucks, so the first thing I did when I got off #1 was visit the drive thru for a Java Chip Frappuccino.  Just the smell of the brewing coffee was enough to cheer me up. That icy jolt of caffeine brought a smile to my tired face and chased away the headache that was starting to come on.

After walking the hounds of the Baskervilles,  (with the leashes in one hand and the Frappuccino in the other) it was time to sit down to a nice, quiet, relaxing meal of Flaming Hot Cheetos.  This particular bag produced some very dark red chips, which any connoisseur of FHCs would recognize as the best kind.  The M&Ms are a fresh bag, and they are delicious.  I always try to buy the holiday themed ones cause they usually haven't sat on the supermarket shelf for a couple of months.  I was able to get them on sale, which somehow makes them taste even better.  And yes, they are melting in my mouth, but not in my hands.  The Pepsi, ice-cold and just opened, washes this amazing meal down perfectly.  If only you could hear my contented sigh.

I am still behind on homework, and afraid of what I will discover at job#2 on monday; but right now I just don't care.  All these things are my comfort foods, and they are doing their job wonderfully.  The down side is that I will probably never be able to get back into my old jeans, but this is worth it.

The B word!!!!!

I have skirted the issue long enough; I can no longer escape it.  It is time for a BUDGET.  Yep, the dreadded B-word (what did you think this post was about, you dirty-minded reader).

After the spring semester ended, I found a part-time job at a local department store, which is also why I haven't posted in a month.  The fact that I had worked there before helped me get re-hired quite quickly.  So now I am getting semi-steady paychecks, depending on how many hours I work a week.

I would like to be able to re-build my savings account, so I sat down and wrote out all my financial needs for a whole month.  Then I mapped out a tenative budget, in which everything is getting paid and I have some money left over to put away.  It was a great plan!  Dave Ramsey would be so proud!  Pay half my bills one pay peroid, pay the other half the next pay period.  No stress, no worries, and no late fees; plus, a small weekly allowance for Chic-Fil-A and Starbucks.  Seriously, these two things are a NEED, not a WANT. 

Apparently, all my favorite addictions knew about my plan.  Why else would Breyers mint chocolate chip ice cream suddenly go-buy-one-get-one-free?  Chips Ahoy pulled the same stunt the following week...  And lets not forget finding my precious 119B on sale at Target with a buy three for $5.99 each and get a five dollar gift card (seriously, its like buy-two-get-one-free!).  It is a conspiracy I tell you!

Oh well...Thursday is a new month.  A new chance to start over in my budget.  I plan to stay far away from the frozen food section in the grocery store, and to ignore to big displays of yummy, fudge-filled chewy coockies.

New Computer

  I have had the same computer for over four years.  I know, I know, it's almost unheard of.  A four year old computer still being used on a regular basis.  But in my defence, I don't do much on it aside from class work and the occasional surf session, and writing a blog post on rare occasions.

I am now on my last year of college, and this time around I have gotten a lovely Pell grant.  I decided that it would be a good idea to invest some of those funds in a new laptop.  Now, I am not a computer person.  I go to look at computers from the view of how the keys feel, how the screen looks, and am I going to enjoy working on it.  Mandy is my desgnated geek; I take her along to look at all the letters and numbers that make no sense to me. 

I found an Acer laptop that has a number pad on the laptop.  I know that is not a big deal for most, but being as I didn't have one before and I am an accounting major I found it fascinating!  The keys also feel amazing under my fingers.  And talk about lightweight!!  Mandy came up to the store and read the specs (letters and numbers) and gave her approval on the purchase.  The best part was that this particular laptop was on clearence (clearence is my favorite section of any store).

So I made up my mind to buy it.  I went up to the store, found a nerd, and asked to buy the laptop.  To my astonishment, the nerd responded that they had been advised not to sell this particular model.  "Becasue it is so slow and outdated" was the reason behind the refusal.  Now, as I have already informed you, I do not game, skype, or much else.  I am a very boring person.  The speed of this model was more that what I need, and way more than what I am used to working with.  I tried to explain this to the nerd.  It took a while, but I finally convinced him to allow me to spend my hard earned money on the computer I wanted.  I have never before had to work so hard to spend money...

Now it is mine, and I am loving the speed of it!  It is much easier to type on too.  And the best part is, I found a fifty dollar cupon for clearence computers to use with my purchase, so my laptop was cheaper than I planned.  Which means I can buy a fancy external hard drive!!!!

Oh 119B, Wherefore art Thou?

I must do this every other month; there is no getting past it.  My roots start to peek out at the world, and they are most definitely not the same color as the rest of my hair.

You see (literally) my hair is naturally gray, with a lot of white in it.  I have been cleverly hiding that fact for over fifteen years.  God showed man how to create Clairol hair color, specifically the kind that covers stubborn grays, just for my benefit.  Yet another way He proves His love for me.

I like using the Clairol box.  It is fairly easy to do, and it is very cost efficient.  Most people I know who have their hair dyed on a normal basis spend around $60 per application to have it done by a stylist.  Me being a poor, part-time employed full-time college student, I have to be a little more conservative with my meager funds.  (Do you have any idea how much Starbucks and Chick-Fil-A I could get with $60?)  Clairol costs around $7 a box, and sometimes it is on sale for $5.

I have discovered, through some trial and error (my high school purple hair phase excluded) that the ideal color for me is a natural reddish brown, more commonly known as shade 119B.  The downside is that 119B seems to be pretty hard to find.

I usually have an extra box stored in my closet, but this past time for a coloring I found myself without my trusty box.  Making a late night WalMart run, I was sadly disappointed to find the shelf space for 119B empty.  So I decided to put off the job for a few more days.  My roots were just beginning to grow out.  But a few days later there was still no sign of my box.  I was now desperate!  I had no choice but to, gasp!, try another brand/color.

My stubborn grays laughed at my attempt to subdue them.  They disapproved of the new brand, loyally declaring that they would be wooed by none other than 119B.  They rest of my hair seemed to agree with them.  Instead of beautiful natural reddish brown, I ended up with a fiery red that, with the right shirt, looked more pink than red.  Not a hint of brown.  I should have known...

Oh 119B, where are you hiding?  I need you greatly!  Please return to me, and I promise never to try and replace you with another!  Only you can truly please me!

Life's not fair; neither is God (that's a good thing)!

Have you ever heard the expression "life's not fair"?  Have you ever said it yourself?  That promotion that you wanted and worked so hard for is given to an undeserving co-worker.  I have uttered it while watching Bridezillas one afternoon:  these beastly, BEASTLY women have somehow convinced a man to marry them; and here I am, single.  Life is just not fair!  Sad but true, people do not usually get what they deserve.

That is the bad news.  Are you ready for some good news?  OK, here it is:  God is not fair, either.

There is a parable Jesus tells His disciples about a certain landowner who needed help harvesting his field (Matthew 20:1-16).  The man goes out at 6am and finds some unemployed folks standing around, and promises them a full days wage for a full days work.  They agree and head off to his field, or vineyard, depending on your translation.  But they aren't enough.  He goes out again at 9am, 12 noon, and 3pm for more folk, promising them that if they go work in his field he will give them whatever is fair.  And still he needs more men.  He goes out one last time, around 5pm, and tells some guys standing around to go and work for him.  No promises of payment he gives these men, just directions to his field.

At 6pm the day is over, and it is now time to pay everybody.  The landowner gives instructions that the last guys, the 5pmers, should be paid first.  Imagine their surprise when he pays them a full days wage!  Did they earn it?  Did they deserve it?  Absolutely not!!!!  Look closely at verses 13-16:  What was the landowner's reason for giving the 5pmers more than they had worked for, more than what they deserved?  He was generous!  He wanted to give them what they didn't deserve!

What do we deserve, according to Romans 6:23?  "The wages of sin is death, BUT the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."  We deserve death; but God is generous and gives us what we do not deserve:  life!  And not just regular life, eternal life!  Do we deserve it?  Have we done anything to earn it?  Can we ever do anything to earn it?  No, no, and no.  If a gift could be earned, it wouldn't be a gift, would it?

Praise God today that He is not fair, that He is generous and gives us undeserved eternal life!

Zombies of the Bible

No, there is nothing wrong with your eyes; it really does say ZOMBIES.  Now before you get all upset and start to call me some not nice names, finish reading the rest of the post, please.  I think you will enjoy it as much as my Sunday School class did.

I am not a fan of the horror genre-I have a hard enough time sleeping as it is, I do not need anything else keeping me up at night.  I do know just a little bit about zombies, thanks to the first half of Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies.  Zombies are defined and depicted as the dead walking, the undead, the living dead (anyone else notice all the definitions include the word dead?).  We see them stumbling around in search of a nice meal consisting of human flesh or brains.  Do we see them having any thoughts and feelings?  Nope, just hungry...

Now, what does all this have to do with the Bible?  I am so glad you stayed with me this far and want to know.  Look up Ephesians 2:1-5 and Colossians 2:13.  What do these verses say about us before we came to know Christ?  We were dead.  "And when you were dead in trespasses and sins"(boldness added by me).  Is he, Paul, talking about a spiritual death or a physical one?  Seeing as how you are reading this, he's speaking of a spiritual death.  I mean, you are alive, right:  your brain is waving and your respiration system is working all by itself?  According to Ephesians 2:1-5 and Galatians 5:19-21, what does a Biblical zombie look like?  Both speak of living out the lusts of our flesh and desires of the flesh and mind (just to name a few:  immorality, impurity, idolatry, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, dissensions, envying).  Just as a fictional, physical zombie is controlled by the fleshly desire to nom brains, the Biblical, spiritual zombie is controlled by the fleshly desires and lust of it's body and mind.  Let's look at them together.

 Fictional Zombies
-physically Dead
-controlled by hunger (brains)
-unable to resist hunger
-No cure, No hope

Biblical Zombies
-spirtually Dead
-controlled by lusts of flesh and desires of the mind
-unable to resist lusts/desires
-Cure:  Jesus


What does Jesus Himself say is our cure in John 5:24-25?  "...anyone who hears My word and believes Him who sent Me has eternal life and will not come under judgment but has passed from death to LIFE."(again, the bolding and caps are added by me).

I used to be a zombie, stumbling around aimlessly trying to satisfy my unending hunger.  If you weren't looking closely, you wouldn't have known.  I mean, I'm wasn't walking around with my arms pulled in like a praying mantis, bent slightly to one side with clouded-over eyes in a decomposing body and moaning (I am not counting in the morning before I have had my second cup of coffee).  I looked normal on the outside, but the inside was dead.  But God loved me so much that He had mercy on me and made a way for me to be cured.  I am a zombie no longer; I am alive!