Fall is here, and Halloween is just a few days away. One of the things that always comes to mind about this time of year, aside from the autumn colored M&Ms and candy corn, is pumpkins. And not just those oddly shapen, roundish, orangish gourds...the ones with smiley faces or weird, spooky images carved into them.
Apparently, I have been deprived as a child, as I have never carved a pumpkin in all my life. It might have to do more with the fact that my mom is a smart woman who knows it isn't a good idea to let me play with sharp objects, than an intentional withholding of a rite of passage. We did get pumpkins, but we drew smiley faces on them with Sharpie markers instead of cutting into them. A few years ago I bought an orange, crystal looking, plastic plug-in pumpkin at an after Halloween sale that has a multicolored light inside of it. I used to plug it in and sit in near my window and watch as the color of the smiling face slowly faded from pink to blue to purple. Around Thanksgiving I would box it up and pull out my Christmas decorations (I have a plug-in tree with sparkling white lights on it). Lately though, seasonal decorating has not been big on my to-do list...please don't tell HGTV!
A few days ago, a pumpkin appeared on my front porch with the request that I carve it for a party my church was planning for Sunday. Had anyone bothered to ask me, I would have kindly volunteered for another project. I was behind in school, swamped with work (all three jobs!), and generally exhausted; and again, I had never carved a pumpkin before. So there it sat, mocking my ignorance and inexperience until Friday afternoon. I had come to the decision that, if little children can do this and produce cute little pumpkin faces, then it couldn't be that hard. Boy, was I wrong.
I do have to brag by saying that I approached my task with the proper amount of planning. I had mapped out my face (with a Sharpie), and had purchased what I considered to be the appropriate tools to do the job. I was now ready to start cutting. Lesson #1: Pumpkins are hard! It took quite a few minutes to get the knife through the top of the pumpkin. I had not expected this kind of resistance, apparently no one had thought to inform the pumpkin that resistance was futile. Once I got the knife all the way through, I had to wrestle with the blade to get it to go in a roundabout circle. I had already worked up a sweat by the time I finally managed to pry the top off. Which is when I learned Lesson #2: Pumpkins DO NOT smell like pumpkin bread or pumpkin pie or even spiced pumpkin frappuccinos. Oh no, not in the least. Pumpkins smell like vomit! Now I was really not having any fun. Once I got the top off, I proceeded to scoop out the insides. Lesson #3: pumpkin insides look and feel like vomit! As I kept putting my hand through the top whole and scooping out seeds and various other vileness, I had to fight back the urge to add the the overall vomitty affect. The insides of a pumpkin, aside from smelling and looking like vomit, are also very sticky and messy. That was Lesson #4. After just a few scoops, I had stringy, chunky pumpkin barf all over my jeans, running down my arm, and somehow, a little bit got in my hair. Where was the fun part in all this again????
If it wasn't for the fact that others were depending on this pumpkin for their decorations, I would have called it right then and there. Sweaty, nauseous, and looking like I had already been revisited by my lunch, I persevered. Lesson # 5: It takes a long, LONG time to completely (or close enough) scoop out the insides of a pumpkin. Finally, when my arm could scoop no more, I got the last little bit out. I do have to admit that carving out the eyes, nose, and mouth were much easier without all the vomit inside.
At last I stood up and wiped away as much of the puke that had attached itself to my jeans as I could, and gazed upon my creation. Not so bad for a first timer, I will admit. He looked like a happy little pumpkin, and that was my intention. After almost 2 hours of fighting with both the pumpkin and my gag reflex, I had claimed victory. I carefully loaded my prize creation into my car and hand-delivered it to the church's fellowship hall.
I still do not understand the allure of carving a pumpkin... I think I'll have to dig out my electric one next year. Mainly because he doesn't smell like vomit.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Stress Relievers
I am on the verge of a meltdown. I'm not talking about a little hissy fit, pitty party, or diva tantrum; a full-blown, nothing-is-working-at-all-and-i-might-need-medication meltdown complete with the mild to moderate panic attack. Yep, this is how I spend my Saturday nights...
I guess I should tell you a little bit about how I got here. I have found myself working three jobs, four if you count being a full-time college student. Now all three of these jobs were supposed to be part-time. Take a wild guess at the key word in that phrase. My bank account doesn't mind that my boss loves me and has maxed-out my time at job #1. I am so close to the required hours in my bookkeeping certification that I have started to shop for a frame to display my hard-won certificate, so I see it as a good thing that job #2 has been needing a lot of my time lately. As I sit here typing this blog post, a large mixed breed hound is laying on my feet chewing a bone. I am spending the weekend with her and her brother, which is a piece of job #3. By themselves, these are little things; but put them together, along with a whole lot of homework and a Sunday School lesson to write up, and that is where the problem comes in.
I have decided, in this time of crisis, to seek solace in my old friends. I am off for the night, the Sunday School lesson is done, and the homework can wait: I am spending the evening enjoying Starbucks, Flaming Hot Cheetos, peanut butter M&Ms, and a Pepsi.
Tonight, both job #1 and job #3 are practically across the street from a Starbucks, so the first thing I did when I got off #1 was visit the drive thru for a Java Chip Frappuccino. Just the smell of the brewing coffee was enough to cheer me up. That icy jolt of caffeine brought a smile to my tired face and chased away the headache that was starting to come on.
After walking the hounds of the Baskervilles, (with the leashes in one hand and the Frappuccino in the other) it was time to sit down to a nice, quiet, relaxing meal of Flaming Hot Cheetos. This particular bag produced some very dark red chips, which any connoisseur of FHCs would recognize as the best kind. The M&Ms are a fresh bag, and they are delicious. I always try to buy the holiday themed ones cause they usually haven't sat on the supermarket shelf for a couple of months. I was able to get them on sale, which somehow makes them taste even better. And yes, they are melting in my mouth, but not in my hands. The Pepsi, ice-cold and just opened, washes this amazing meal down perfectly. If only you could hear my contented sigh.
I am still behind on homework, and afraid of what I will discover at job#2 on monday; but right now I just don't care. All these things are my comfort foods, and they are doing their job wonderfully. The down side is that I will probably never be able to get back into my old jeans, but this is worth it.
I guess I should tell you a little bit about how I got here. I have found myself working three jobs, four if you count being a full-time college student. Now all three of these jobs were supposed to be part-time. Take a wild guess at the key word in that phrase. My bank account doesn't mind that my boss loves me and has maxed-out my time at job #1. I am so close to the required hours in my bookkeeping certification that I have started to shop for a frame to display my hard-won certificate, so I see it as a good thing that job #2 has been needing a lot of my time lately. As I sit here typing this blog post, a large mixed breed hound is laying on my feet chewing a bone. I am spending the weekend with her and her brother, which is a piece of job #3. By themselves, these are little things; but put them together, along with a whole lot of homework and a Sunday School lesson to write up, and that is where the problem comes in.
I have decided, in this time of crisis, to seek solace in my old friends. I am off for the night, the Sunday School lesson is done, and the homework can wait: I am spending the evening enjoying Starbucks, Flaming Hot Cheetos, peanut butter M&Ms, and a Pepsi.
Tonight, both job #1 and job #3 are practically across the street from a Starbucks, so the first thing I did when I got off #1 was visit the drive thru for a Java Chip Frappuccino. Just the smell of the brewing coffee was enough to cheer me up. That icy jolt of caffeine brought a smile to my tired face and chased away the headache that was starting to come on.
After walking the hounds of the Baskervilles, (with the leashes in one hand and the Frappuccino in the other) it was time to sit down to a nice, quiet, relaxing meal of Flaming Hot Cheetos. This particular bag produced some very dark red chips, which any connoisseur of FHCs would recognize as the best kind. The M&Ms are a fresh bag, and they are delicious. I always try to buy the holiday themed ones cause they usually haven't sat on the supermarket shelf for a couple of months. I was able to get them on sale, which somehow makes them taste even better. And yes, they are melting in my mouth, but not in my hands. The Pepsi, ice-cold and just opened, washes this amazing meal down perfectly. If only you could hear my contented sigh.
I am still behind on homework, and afraid of what I will discover at job#2 on monday; but right now I just don't care. All these things are my comfort foods, and they are doing their job wonderfully. The down side is that I will probably never be able to get back into my old jeans, but this is worth it.
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